Wednesday03 July 2008

DEAR DIARY....

strike.... number 666 000 0002 hours sleep....again... for the 3rd time since Monday.

why am i such a goat fuck. why cant i just be OK. I'm so high my eyes are glazed, my pupils are huge, my brain must be destroyed by now.

how did i get into this mess???

I'm living such a goddamn lie. how does no body know that I'm totally broken?
that i still have a job is amazing!

that i still have my mom... is cruel. i have abused her beyond reason. the one person in this world who loves me unconditionally, my rock and my role model... and i am stealing from her, lying to her, being numb.
i hate who i am. nobody knows. i need help. but if i sacrifice everything I've worked for, i may as well just give up on this life completely. i will never have the willpower to find new dreams again. to start from scratch and build it all up again. i have no more strength. drowning in my own disgusting cess pool.

when does the clock strike 12... and the crystalmeth-eaten soul get exposed to the world....

I'm bleeding to live

i hurt... i bleed... i wonder why...i want to belong, to find a purpose that will get me through the darkest night's, through the cravings and cold turkey, through the loneliness.
i want to share what i have known with youso that you can see what i never have seen...you aren't alone in this world.
I need you.
i need you to show me what you have knownso that I don't feel alone either...
i need to find a reason to livei need to find hopeto carry on fighting for the injustices we all have to face

Happiness....That cruel cruel wordThat impossible concept that none of us truly know the meaning of...
I FUCKING BELIEVE!!!!
For no reason i know ofI believeits out thereAnd I'll be damned if i don't find itFor youAnd for me...Us
For a worldto live in harmony

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